Sexual intimacy is a fundamental part of almost all long-term relationships, and it’s not hard to understand why. We are a species obsessed with sex, and a lot of that comes down to our natural instincts and desire to connect. This sexual intimacy can come fraught with problems, however, especially when we pressure our partners or otherwise ask too much of them when it comes to what goes on in the bedroom.
If you and your partner have become disjointed intimately, it might be an indication that you’re asking too much from them. Not every person shares our sexual desires, and not everyone we choose to build our lives with will always be able to match our sexual drive. We have to learn to meet our partners in the middle and come to see sex as an important expression of intimacy between one partner and another. Start expressing your needs openly and let your partner do the same. Don’t push them in directions they don’t want to go.
There’s always a line to be drawn.
Every person has lines and limits when it comes to their sexual desires, as well as what they’re willing to try. These limits are natural, and they go a long way to protect us and safeguard our physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. There’s always a line to be drawn, and it’s up to as adults (and as respectful partners) to figure out where that line is both for ourselves and in respect to our spouses or loved ones.
We can put pressure on our partners without even realizing it, and this can lead to some serious complications in our relationships and the way we relate to one another. Whether the pressure is intentional or not makes no difference; if one partner feels as though they “have” to be intimate, the line has already been crossed. That’s because intimacy isn’t about a zero-sum game.
When it comes to mutually consensual, romantic partnerships, sexual intimacy is about reassuring one another, consent and respect. A show of compassion from you does not obligate your partner to then reciprocate with a show of sexual favor. Just like a partner’s expression of fantasies to you does not require you to agree. Truly healthy sexual relationships rely on communication to find a mutually enjoyable middle ground. Without that, there can be no honesty and no equality in the bedroom.
Why we push for things they can’t give us.
The partner who pressures their spouse for sex didn’t get that way overnight. They learned their behavior through a number of toxic patterns, and beliefs that helped them get their way. If you are dealing with a sense of entitlement or a selfish perspective, you could be putting pressure on your partner that you didn’t even realize was there.
Sense of entitlement
Entitlement is the gate key to abuse and narcissism alike, and one of the most common ways by which we might pressure our partners into giving in to us sexually. When you feel entitled to someone’s body, you expect them to give you what you want and you have zero consideration for what they need in order to do that. Entitlement is abusive, harmful and wrong — no matter what way you look at it. Despite the relationship we share with someone, they never truly owe us anything.
Self-centered people and narcissists don’t care about the needs of others, and that includes the intimate relationships they share with their partners behind closed doors. If you can only see things from your point of view and have a hard time understanding why your partner or spouse might have sexual limitations — it’s a sign that you’re insisting on seeing things from your perspective only; and that includes your sexual gratification.
Failing to know better
Some people believe that all relationships fall into certain dynamics. These dynamics can be the result of personal choices, or they can result of the outward pressure of things like society or religion. Failing to know better, one partner might carry certain expectations of the other, and become disappointed when those expectations or fantasies aren’t met. While their displeasure doesn’t come from a malicious place, it’s hurtful all the same. It’s up to us to cultivate the awareness, to know better as individuals.
Broken view of relationships
When you have a broken or skewed view of relationships, it impacts everything from how you meet people to how you relate to them sexually. Viewing relationships entirely through sexual intimacy, or feeling as though your worth (or the worth of your partner) is dependent upon their sexual performance and gratification is toxic, and it’s a belief that can often start in childhood. These broken views of relationships produce broken partners that perpetuate toxic intimate patterns.
Signs you’re asking too much from your partner in the bedroom.
Unsure if you’re pushing your partner too far in the bedroom? These are some common warning signs that you’re asking too much, or putting your own pleasure and fulfillment over that of your partner…