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You aren’t ready for a committed relationship

It seems like everywhere you look you’re confronted with images of happy, committed relationships. Society pushes us to pair off and get married before many of us have a chance to truly consider what we want from ourselves and our lives. Making a serious commitment to someone is nothing to be taken lightly, yet many of us jump into the deep end before we ever ask ourselves, “Am I ready for a committed relationship?”

We have to take time to discover the things we want from our futures before we commit our lives to other people. Through this self-exploration, we discover our confidence and our strength — but we also discover the things that mean the most when it comes to love and partnership. Don’t leap into someone’s arms if you aren’t sure that you’re ready to stand beside them in the long run. Figure out first whether you’re ready for a committed relationship.

Commitment means more than sticking around.

When it comes to committed relationships, everyone has their own unique perspective. To some, this means marriage and 2.5 kids. To others, it means going with the flow and keeping things fast and loose. Commitment is a complex and nuanced thing, but no matter what a committed relationship looks like to you, it still means far more than simply sticking around.

To be committed to a partner means to be present for them both physically and emotionally. It means supporting them and — sometimes — compromising on things you want to do, for things they need to do.

Committing to someone means committing to a certain level of give-and-take. It also means committing to the good times, the bad times, and everything else in-between. Before you settle down for the long-term, it’s crucial that you take some time to consider those things which are most important to you and your life. Only when you know who you are can you efficiently align your life with someone who wants the same or similar things.

Why we struggle with commitment.

Our struggles or misunderstandings of commitment don’t happen by accident. They have a number of root causes and each one of these varies greatly dependent upon our own experience. In order to get to the root of what we really want, we have to understand where our current hesitation comes from.

Poor past examples

Growing up with parents or caretakers who struggled to commit to us (or their own partners) can cause real conflict when it comes to your own later definitions of commitment. Our parents provide the baseline by which we define the course of our lives, and we perpetuate their foibles and insecurities for decades after they’re gone. In order to overcome the examples they gave us, we have to identify the patterns and then name our own needs.

Failing to understand love

Sit for a moment and think about what love really means to you. For some, it means intense and passionate sex lives. To some, it might mean unfailing support and loyalty. We each have a right to form our own perspective of love and commitment, but when these perspectives become warped or misaligned with we are — we can find ourselves dealing with some serious heartache. It’s necessary to reassess who we are and what we want as we move through this life, and that includes commitment and romance…